From a play

[Everyone freezes]

Jackie: Delivered as an aside One day life became this... terrible monster. That was the day I became a liar. It was also, um, the day that I stopped talking and started only asking questions. I feel like that’s all I do. Ask questions. Usually they are to keep someone else talking because I don’t know how to talk about myself. Well I do, but then I get on a roll and I can’t stop and I sound so little and stupid. Small. So I ask questions and I lie. “I’m great!!! How are you?” It's funny, when somebody's story is coming dangerously close to an ending I'll even go as far as to play dumb, acting like I don’t understand. That way they'll have to double back and explain more. It usually buys me at least 15 extra minutes to think of a new question. People really do love to talk about themselves...

I am an idea. A whole list of 'em.

I honestly never thought I'd be a person that would search for problems; as if somehow finding a new one would feel gratifying.

I never thought that I'd wear glasses every day.

I never thought I'd have a cat.

I never thought myself to be introverted; when I look back I didn't seem so shy, but I don't think I've ever really changed that much.

I also never thought myself to be introspective.

I never thought I'd pray to God.

And I certainly never thought that I would dislike chocolate.

When did I become so intense? I've always been intense I suppose. A lot of great people are intense.

Dragons are a Girl's Best Friend.

Things I do multiple times a day that I really, really shouldn't

• Log into Facebook to see if anyone left me messages (vain)
  

• Convene with the surgeon general
  

• Check each of my bookmarked websites in order regardless of how static they are... such as going on Free Library.com and seeing that, yes, my book is STILL due on the 20th.

• Make various excuses for a plethora of things

• Scroll through Twifans.com (I'm willing to admit my weaknesses)

• Upset someone with something I've said

• Dwell on how skinny I am not and should be
  

• Blog surf

• Make sure my door is locked (obsessive but healthy) and that everything is in its proper place (obsessive and grating)

• Check my Moleskine to see what's due in the upcoming week, even though I don't proceed to then do anything about it
  

• Avoid something by either going out with friends or going to someone else's place
  

• Text/ check my cell phone (vain...also could be curtailed- I've been waiting to use that word- by getting a watch)
  

Art kid moment #5316

We talked about technology.

I'm trying to reason out the many hours I've wasted on Facebook. Having conversations with the people I don't talk to enough, and reading about the lives I'm no longer a part of that I miss.

I don't know how I could ever have believed it was a substitute.

Where is everyone?

I feel kind of alone in this city.

I'd like to be asleep, but instead I'm drinking coffee and reading The Book of Mormon like God will personally reach down out of the sky and take the pressure off my kidneys.

Artaud said 'All writing is Pigshit'... I believe him.
I think his addictions and mental illnesses made him credible.
If he were around today I'd like him to have a blog.

Let me just be melodramatic for a bit, alright.

(By the way...she said she didn't see that you love her in this photo. She said the girl with the magnificent hair was a dead object. She said she didn't believe it)

Is it dishonest if I deleted all of the boring ones?

Congratulations you're pregnant, you say?
“I hope it doesn't like sports"

Are you listening to music right now?
No. I'm trying (and failing) to listen to a documentary about Ernest Hemingway. What I'm hearing sounds like "wah meh high wah wah Hemingway meh meh wah write wah wah bullfighting..."

Do you and your friends have the same taste in music?
More often than not. I have a penchant for classical that I don't seem to share with anyone else though.

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?
I've been too distracted to be much of anything.

Do you ever crack your knuckles/ back/ ankles/ wrists/ etc?
Everything. Constantly. I get yelled at for it in class.

Do you think before you speak?
Yes. I put a lot of thought into my words. So much so that I fear sounding pretentious or like I'm reading from a script.

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this past month?
Maybe my mom? Ugh... that says a few things I'd rather have kept repressed.

If you walk by a mirror, do you look at yourself in it?
Usually. I'm insecure.

Are you hard to please?
Depends. I love to love things...but not just anything.

How old do you look?
I don't know. Old.

Have you ever shared a blanket with someone?
Oh come on.

Do you like your smile?
These questions are kind of stupid.

Do you straighten your hair everyday?
Noooooo. I just used a hairbrush the other day for the first time in 3 years. I tie back my hair with the rubber bands that keep my Whole Food take out containers closed.

Do you like the color green?
It's my favorite.

Whats the weather like outside?
Lovely.

Whats happening tonight?
Another all nighter.

Do you say sorry first?
No.

Are you addicted to texting?
I prefer it.

What were you doing at 4am this morning?
Writing a paper about Sally Mann and Jock Sturges.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?
Yes.

What's the very first thing you do when you wake up?
Coffee.

Do you ever think "what if" about anything?
Constantly.

Are you happy with the way things are going?
I'm happier than I've been in quite some time, but I've never been more afraid that I'd tank in school.

Are you nice to everyone?
Definitely not. I'm known for my Ice Queen tendencies.

Do you always find it cute when a girl/guy calls you babe/baby?
NO.

Do you play with dead bugs?
What!? No. I frame them.

Do you care too much/not at all/just enough?
There are certain things I’m dangerously apathetic about... then others, definitely care too much. Hard to strike a balance. (Whomever said this said it well)

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter R?
Probably.

What about a J?
Probably.

What about an L?
Probably.

Can money buy happiness?
Yes.

Do you check your texts right away when you receive them?
Yes. Always. I try to be courteous.

Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth?
Yes. To show up someone who claimed to live in 'the middle of nowhere'. Wrong.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
I secretly hope so.

Does anyone think you are an asshole?
Most definitely. Probably no one in Philly though. My people here view me much differently than my people in Maryland.

Are you close with your dad?
I am the definition of a Daddy's girl.

Have a crazy side?
Crazy...no. Strange...yes.

Something you do a lot?
Avoiding, speculating, procrastinating, searching (not figuratively).

Angry at anyone?
Myself. For putting a paper that I've known about since I was handed a syllabus off until the last second .

I'm avoiding writing a 7 page paper that is due in 24 hours.

Hemingway in suits
Writing A Moveable Feast
We can work it out

...heavy.

So here's what I'm thinking:

1. How to get myself out of here
a) to Harvard
b) to the Washington State rain forests
c) to my friends' apartments for Halloween (it's raining and parties aren't much of an incentive)
d) to my home

2. How to make myself better at
a) photo editing
b) friendship
c) sleeping
d) drinking in excess

3. How to avoid
a) my own gallery openings
b) getting my bike stolen...again
c) obesity/ diabetes/ the possible untimely death of people that I love

Recent:

Turn on the goddamn light. Turn it on.

Do you hear that?
Hear what?
You can't hear that?
Hear what?

I just need a drink of water.

Free associate:

ARMOR:

• What one needs to go to art school, id est emotional
• Balenciaga s/s '08/ Jennifer Connelly